Origins of the Bridal Party
Chances are if you're reading this then you and your spouse-to-be have wedding attendants. A variety of factors may have influenced whom you chose to include in your bridal party, but in the end they are a very special group who will accompany you on your journey to the altar. There are few bonds among your friends and closest relatives as sacred or profound as the connection each of you will share when they stand with you during your wedding ceremony.
In more ancient times, however, the role of the bridal party was a little more intense.
Until the end of Feudal Europe, weddings often started or were used to end feuds between warring families whose large numbers effectively made them tribes that were in competition for land, wealth, and power. Your future father-in-law may seem a little intimidating now, but in centuries past he could have had his own private army.
With so much conflict, the bridal party was about protection as much as it was friendship. The groomsmen were an armed posse whose job it was to secure (often by kidnapping) and later defend the bride. The "best man" was usually the best warrior from the groom's village or extended family.
Even when the bridal couple finally reached the altar, there was little security. Fights and kidnapping attempts at weddings were once so common that the placement of the groom (to the right of the bride) was intended to keep his sword arm free. Seating arrangements for families were designed, not so much for convenience, but to limit the violence.
As weddings became somewhat more planned and slightly less hazardous, a maid or matron was chosen to accompany the bride in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Acting as a sort of primitive wedding planner, she and a group of "attendants" would assist the bride with her pre-wedding duties and, in extreme cases, defend her from harm as well.
So no matter how overwhelming your wedding planning may be, it's important to remember how important the members of your bridal party are to you. They may not have had to kidnap anyone (we hope), but the role they play today is symbolically identical to their duties all those centuries ago; and chances are they've all been there when you needed them the most.
Shopping for Your Attendants
It is customary, therefore, to give each member of your bridal party gifts as expressions of your appreciation. Below are a few things to consider before you begin:
When to begin: While there is no set time to begin shopping for your attendants, you'll want to start at least a few months before your wedding, remembering that personalized items such as engraved gifts may take extra time and that shipping speed varies from season to season.
Whom to include: Many couples also wonder exactly for whom they should shop. A good rule of thumb is to always include, at a minimum, the parents of the bride and groom. If the bride or groom has any children, they should receive gifts as well. It is also customary to give a small, age-appropriate gift to your ring bearer and flower girl. Otherwise, simply follow your heart (and your budget). If you feel someone involved in your wedding deserves a token of your thanks, especially if they volunteered their time, then make a note and include them in your shopping.
Where to present: When giving out your attendant gifts, it's important to select an intimate and private setting where all the members of your bridal party can be together. Most couples choose the rehearsal dinner or luncheon for this reason, though you can choose another time or venue if possible or appropriate.
What to give: As for what gifts to buy, each bridal party is unique and there is no established etiquette or purchasing guidelines. Traditionally, each member of the bridal party receives similar gifts within the same price range while the best man and maid of honor receive something of somewhat higher value. While not set in stone, adhering to this rule can make your shopping a little easier and prevent hurt feelings.
How much to spend: Remember, thoughtful doesn't necessarily mean expensive. While it's important to give your attendants something nice, it's more important to stay within your budget. Your attendants are going to stand with you on your wedding day because of the ties you share, not because they think they're getting a nice gift. When it comes to your wedding, it really is the thought that counts.
In the end, your shopping will be about the bond that exists between you and your wedding party. Some couples choose something more formal, such as groomsmen cuff links or compact mirror bridesmaid gifts. A formal gift or fashion accessory can signify the importance of the occasion and serve as a token of how seriously you value their friendship. Other couples prefer a more relaxed approach and even give items such as barware to their bridesmaids or shot glasses for groomsmen gifts. Fun, unique, and novel gifts can signify a remembrance of all the good times you've shared.
Hopefully you know your attendants better than most people, so put yourself in their shoes and try to match their personalities. For example, we carry sports accessories and memorabilia for athletes, business accessories for professionals, and so on. If all else fails, simply ask yourself, what would you to like receive for being an usher or planning the bridal shower?
Make it count: Whatever you purchase, just be sure it says "thanks." The friendship of your bridal party may not be the matter of life and death that it once was, but friendship will always be about life – let them know you appreciate the roles they've played in yours.
